decorations

We've started decorating for CHRISTMAS!

giving thanks

Make an on-line slideshow at www.OneTrueMedia.com

When we sit together at the table
and my little girl takes my hands
to say this simple prayer,
either with me or by herself or listening raptly,
I have a thankful and happy heart.

Hoping your heart is the same--today and always.

Happy thanksgiving.

perfect setting

I thought today's misty walk through the park would be a perfect setting for a photo. It wasn't raining, the light was diffused, the park was empty...

Lexi thought it was a perfect setting to burst into song.
(Well, she is, after all, my daughter.)

Mist-inspired songs about people who were so sad and crying and the sky commenced. And, you know, songs about trees and babies and the tired man sit, sit, sit on the bench because he is tired, tired, tired...and whatever caught her eye and her consciousness.





Fortunately, the artist threw a bone to her fans. (Hmm...that seems to imply that we, her fans, are dogs.)

FMLA?

Did your employer count your trips prior to custody being granted as part of your FMLA?

If not, tell me how you managed that! If we don't count trip one and court, Lexi and I can stay home until after Christmas vacation.

That would an amazing gift.

And it makes sense to me as there was no child for FMLA to be applied to until I had custody...

But my school has been SO GOOD to me, that I don't want to kick up a fuss.

Cheers! I'm being summoned to "lunch". (Jenga block pies and water served in IKE@ toy dishes on a stool covered in Kookla's blanket. Yummy. Koosna!)

i confess

i'm a handwashing hypocrite.

daytime:
yes, Yes, YES! Did you wash your hands? With soap? WARM water?

between the hours of going-to-bed and the-first-number-is-seven:
Nooo. It's night. (Don't do anything that might wake you up further!!)

i heard lexi telling her doll (they were playing bedtime, a favorite game) that it was night. we don't need to wash hands at night.

umm...well...

two months

111 cm., 40 pounds

still just as amazing,
brave,
awe-inspiring,
trusting,
good-natured,
imaginative,
pleasant,
delightful,
and beloved as ever

if not more so

(If only there were some natural light so I could capture her likeness better. Ah, well, March will be here soon enough.)

i just love

that this is Lexi's favorite shop window.

It's near our house and we pass it often. We stop and check "the girls" every time. Their outfits are changed frequently, and Lexi always chooses an outfit for herself and one for me. We look at the jewelery. We admire the shoes. And we are so glad that these girls, as opposed to many shop-window displays, have heads!

Don't you think Dior should mount a campaign around this photo?

attachment-regression

So, the top e-mails topics re:blogging are

1. Good for you for not blogging during this time!
2. Good for you for not blogging during this time, but could you just post about regression?
3. Good for you for not blogging during this time, but could you just post about sleeping/eating?

Hmm...well...I can meet you halfway.

I think we all know that regression occurs in individuals in times of stress. But, I wasn't sure that it would work as a verb--that you could regress someone.

Not really time to devote to this, but I can cut and paste. Here are a couple of e-mails I sent people about regression.

Kathy commented:

I can't remember if I asked you this. Anya is 7 (just a little older than Lexi) so a lot of what you are doing is very interesting to me. I have never considered giving her a bottle...help me through that. Is that something Lexi took well? I am just thinking about Anya, and with her it seems everything is "Mommy, I am a big girl". Just wondering....

I replied:

Whole post coming on this, because I think it's fascinating.

I was worried about the same thing. But, I present everything as a game--"You be the little bird." when I feed her. The pacifier was refused the first time I offered it, but I just left it out. Soon it was in her mouth. When I was rocking her to sleep that first night, her little mouth was going just like an infant's, sucking in her sleep. So...it made sense.

I don't offer a bottle, but she asks for one sometimes. I had it out for her to feed her doll with. Then, I asked one time (okay, so I did offer) if she wanted a bottle. Again, indignant refusal. But later she wanted to be my baby (this happens in *short* spurts and then she's off again) and wanted a bottle. She usually wants this when she's sleepy, so it's around nap or bed.

It's interesting that she only does this with me. I took the pacifier on the airplane thinking she'd find it helpful on take-off, landing, and getting to sleep. She wouldn't use it at all. So, don't worry that Anya will be heading to school with a pacifier.

Does that help? While we both know that it's actually more, we treat the feeding and bottles as a game. The paci stays under her pillow. Sometimes we rock with it. But, if she's asked for a bottle, she doesn't need/want the pacifier.

The bottle has been a stress-reliever. I don't think it will last long. I do think it will recur--like when school starts.

I hope this helps!
Kate

(p.s. to Kathy--I think that "I'm a big girl." comes from being told she's a big girl--as in you are capable of doing this so don't bother me with it--in the orphanage. I think she'll take just as much delight in being your baby as she does in being capable and helpful. Lexi doesn't spend all day "regressed". It just happens in spurts. Of course, she was coming from an orphanage where she was among the oldest children there. A is among the youngest now, which could make things radically different. And, A & L have very different histories. So, who knows? I just hope *something* we're doing helps you down the line.)

My friend, Jen, commented about the bottle when I mentioned it in a post:

Did she have a bottle at the orphanage? Because you have done so much preparing, I assume this is something recommended. Is it for attachment? Please enlighten someone who knows nothing about adoption.

I replied:

Hey, Nif! It's an attachment thing. It's not something that I force on her. She has a lot of regression at night. And, when she's under stress, there is more. She asks to be my baby then--and just wants me to cradle her and coo at her. That's often a bottle time--and it's usually before bed.

People talk a lot about regressing a child for attachment. I've been amazed at how much she wants it--there's no making her do this. She likes to be fed like my little bird, to be my baby, to have me take care of all her dressing and...wiping. I thought at six there might be some resistance to this. I was so wrong!

I've tried to write a post on attachment, but it's just too big! I think I might to a series on it. (Like I'm some real writer or something...but whatever.) It will bore some people to tears, but I think it's important and interesting.

Thanks for asking!!

Love,
Kate

So, quick wrap-up on regression (feel free to ask me to elaborate... and I'll try to later): I think if you're ready for it, it will just happen. If you're open to it and present the opportunity for it, you child will lead the way. If they think you're crazy, and refuse, then don't push it. But, if they want to "play baby" and get in those developmental activities, (All of these activities teach important things and help an infant to bond with his parent. It shows that a parent is not only loving and responsive, but is capable and provides. Rocking with a bottle, and cooing and snuggling while you do it, is provides more than sustenance. Remember Harlowe's experiment with the monkeys? Levine and Meany's experiments with rats who were separated from their mothers? I'm pretty sure those were gen psych and not further into the degree...) I think it can only be for good.

Hmm...there are times, actually, when she's over-tired and I know that a bottle or some rocking would help things and she's *said* she doesn't want to, but I do it anyway. I just tell her that I want to rock. I scoop her up and rock her, holding the bottle with my chin so I can snuggle her with one arm and stroke her cheek with the other hand.

So, I guess I do push it a little. But, it's something that's already started. There's precedence. And, there are times when I need to say, "You cannot push me away. You ARE my baby, forever, and I am going to take care of you." It's hard to explain the difference, but so easy to feel it. And her "I-don't-want" disappears immediately.

You'll know.

fair warning

I have a month left of staying home with Lexi.

You may get some quips and snaps in the next month.

But I'm not even promising that.

It might be really quiet here on the blog, but rest assured it's not at our house. And I want to savor that--without thinking about anything else.

Mwah!

gourmet

A few nights ago I was asking Lex what she wanted for dinner. She'd had a late snack and was not interested in the leftovers in the 'fridge. I was not interested in cooking. So I went to the failsafe...

"Kasha? And yogurt?"

"Yes! Kasha. Kasha apple."

And she began rooting around in the different oatmeal boxes. Since I happen to like the apple kasha, it's gone. I was explaining that we didn't have any, but we had a million others when she pulled out a box of cereal. (Fitness. Do you have it in the US? It's just flakes, but they're a *little* sweetened.)

Explaining that although it looked like the apple kasha box, it wasn't, I pulled out a piece of cereal and gave it to her.

Her face lit up. "Chips!" she said rapturously. (Mama has said repeatedly that we don't need chips when shopping. Now Lexi understands why. We have chips!)

So Lexi had chips for dinner. And apple slices.

She pronounced this dinner, "Koosna, Mama!" unasked and all my pride in recent, colorful, well-balanced meals flew out the window. Forget the chicken chili with tomatoes and corn muffins we had last night. (And forget how precious the corn muffins are since you can't buy cornmeal or muffin liners here.) Just give her dry cereal.

(Actually, don't forget it. Just leave the tomatoes off it and save it for me!)